As I enter into the next stage of my yoga journey, through yoga teacher training, I want to take a moment to reflect on the 2 and a half years of my practice and its impact on my life.
I am someone who thinks. A lot. And often in rapid succession.There are not many things that can get my mind to slow down. Not even sleep. In fact I’m writing this at 6 am on a Saturday after a sleepless anxiety-ridden night. I can frequently be heard sighing loudly in my office to oxygenate my brain after what may have been many minutes of shallow breathing, if at all. Yoga has helped me to breathe. To connect that breath to my body and to my mind. If I take that moment to pause, breathe; I can take stock of what my body is doing and consequently that my mind is connected to it. It’s still an ongoing process in my daily life off the mat. But on the mat, it makes sense. It’s not so much shutting off my wandering thoughts, but turning on my mind to just my body and my breathe in order to remind myself who I am, what I want, and why I am here. It’s this time to reflect on my complete self that has made yoga invaluable.
This past year in particular the connection to my body through yoga has been especially important. For the past year my husband and I have been trying to conceive. It has been a very hard and disappointing process. One that frankly I did not expect and was not ready for. Trying to conceive can make you feel like you’re not in control of your body. You want it to do something and it won’t. It feels as though it’s not working properly somehow. Yoga has helped me feel in control of my body during this difficult time. I get on my mat and say “body twist this way,” and it does. It may not be perfect in every pose but I am in control of placing each limb in a shape and letting my body melt into a pose. I say when I push, I say when I rest. This control over what my body can do, if even for just 90 minutes, has given me a sense of validation that my body is mine. That it works. It is a reminder to be patient (which I have never been good at) like with any difficult pose that takes time.
This is one of the many reasons I am so excited to begin my journey of teacher training. I want to help others find what yoga means for them. To find peace with who they are, if even for a moment. To connect their bodies and their minds, especially at times when that is the most difficult. I’ve never seen TTC yoga being offered. Is that a thing? If not, maybe it’s time I made it one.