Feminist Says Yes!

Almost two weeks ago, my partner Jake proposed. As a feminist I am aware of the history of marriage, what it meant for women in this country and the ways in which it continues to be used to create second class citizens. I do not agree that it should be the primary, legal form of relationships. However, I know with every ounce of my being that I have chosen the right partner for me. I know the history of the institution I am about to become a part of and I couldn’t be happier because I am entering it with full knowledge of what it is and how to make it mine.

The proposal was everything I could have hoped for. I was surprised at a coffee shop in my hometown with family and friends. He then proceeded to sing a song he had written for me that led into the “will you marry me?” It was perfect. 1385040_833742770745_543538592_n

The ring, a purple (my favorite color) sapphire in white gold, was more than just a beautiful symbolic gesture, The ring was purchased at Laura Preshong. Laura Preshong is a jeweler in Boston that makes eco friendly, socially responsible and conflict free pieces. By purchasing the ring there Jake chose something that symbolizes not only who we are as a couple but the kind of future and life we want to have together.

Now the planning begins. A Jewish wedding for Jake’s background with a Latino flair to honor mine. But also a feminist wedding. We will try our best to make it as eco-friendly and sustainable as possible. So listen up friends, for the next year this blog will be semi-hijacked by my wedding plans. Why? Because other feminists fall in love and want to enter into this problematic yet wonderful institution known as marriage and I want to throw my two cents into the ring of how to create a feminist wedding. It won’t be easy but here we go….

12 thoughts on “Feminist Says Yes!

  1. Britni

    Yay!! I did the same thing– blogged about my feminist wedding so that other people could see that there are many kinds of weddings out there and you really can make it your own. I can’t wait to see what kind of wedding the two of you have!

  2. Kristen

    I completely agree with the sentiment that marriage poses some interesting questions for women like us. As you know, I am also recently engaged and planning a wedding. While I want to celebrate the commitment my partner and I have made to each other, I struggle with the historical origins of many traditions that come into play when it comes to a engagements, weddings, and marriage over all. For instance, I chose not to wear an engagement ring; I don’t feel comfortable wearing a white dress; and I don’t want to be given away by anyone at my wedding. I struggle with my own conflicting views on the whole marriage/wedding thing, but ultimately it comes down to what it means to you and your partner – nothing else.

    1. Brenda Post author

      I look forward to turning some of those awful traditions on their head. can’t wait to see what you come up with as well. Let me know if you ever want to write a guest blog post.

      1. Stefanie

        Congratulations and I hear you. At my wedding, I did wear a traditional dress, but did not throw a bouquet. It made me feel like the only thing women should aspire to do is get married. A bunch of females fumbling around yearning to be the next one to get married was sickening to me. I had both of my parents “accompany” me down the aisle. It made them very happy to be included in that way, but understood that I am not property and certainly was not being given to another person or family. And in that regard, I did not change my name when I got married and at no point during the ceremony/reception were we referred to as Mr. and Mrs. [guy first name] [guy last name]. I know that the name change is very exciting for some females, but from the time I was a little girl, I swore I would not do it. I am very thankful that my husband was understanding of the lack of a name change. I’ve found that many males even today seem to find it offensive if a woman does not want to change her name when she gets married.

        The moral of the story is that you’ll be able to do whatever works for you — I don’t think a wedding can get more feminist than that!

    2. Britni

      I didn’t wear a traditionally white dress, though it did have some white in it. I also broke my father’s heart by not letting him “give me away” but instead opted to hold both of my parents hands as they walked me down the aisle, as a way of “accompanying me on my new journey.” We wrote the ceremony ourselves and were very conscious of what we said and why we said it. Feminists planning weddings rock, I think! So much more personal, creative, and thoughtful about what they’re doing.

  3. Brandie

    SO excited to see the two cultures come together in the planning! Also, I know for a fact something Buffy related will make its way into your feminist wedding! The suspense!

  4. kaitlyn

    YAY. looking forward to watching the plans unfold for you and jake. as a single feminist gal who has a secret special affinity for wedding blogs (and a HUGE spiritual CONFLICT because of it shhh dont tell! southernweddings.com is like my favorite thing evarrrrrr. highly recommend. bizarre, i know) your work here will also be a refreshing way to marry my interests (lolz). i know you are surrounded by lots of other wonderful sisters and soul-sisters already, but i am here to help if you need extra hands or brains! xoxo

  5. Beatriz

    ¡¡¡Mil felicidades!!! Being engaged to the love of your life is a unique feeling and its indescribable. Enjoy each moment. I can relate to you: my husband is Jewish and I’m Mexican. When he proposed he also wrote and sang me a song when he proposed, bought me an eco-conscious ring, and we both decided to have our wedding be a day of activism at Yosemite National Park, California. Though neither of us practices religion, we had an interfaith ceremony with a Woman priest (who bright her partner of 20 years) and a female Rabbi (who also bright along her partner of 20+ years). We also gave our guests a vegan dinner and cake. 🙂

Comments are closed.